God is a Person

Simply reading the Bible, I encountered not a misty vapor but an actual Person. A Person as unique and distinctive and colorful as any person I know. God has deep emotions; he feels delight and frustration and anger….As I read through the Bible, I marveled at how much God let’s human beings affect him. I was unprepared for the joy and anguish – in short, the passion – of the God of the Universe. By studying “about” God, by taming him and reducing him to words and concepts that could be filed away in alphabetical order, I had lost the force of the passionate relationship God seeks above all else. The people who related to God best – Abraham, Moses, David, Isaiah, Jeremiah – treated him with startling familiarity. They talked to God as if he were sitting in a chair beside them, as one might talk to a counselor, a boss, a parent, or a lover. They treated him like a person.

Philip Yancy, Disappointment with God

Booty call

Last night, somewhere in the midst of heavy doses of the "F" word and racist conversations, I learned to love Marines and their booty call (I mean, girlfriends). As a social worker, I'm not supposed to pigeonhole people. I am supposed to be amazingly gifted at traversing between various types of people, cultures, and social contexts. But last night, I didn't particularly feel like engaging the stereotypical Marines in my living room....until I actually began to talk with them as human beings and good friends of my roomies.

In a room full of various forms of black clothing, tight skirts and tall boots, I definitely stood out with my white Old Navy sweater and rainbow sandals. But in a weird way, and after everyone was a few beers into it, they actually opened up and shared their stories with me. I found out that one kid (they all seemed so young) was headed off to college to pursue a career in football. He got all shy and goofy when the guys praised his skills on the Marine's football team. Another couple is moving to Texas soon and shared excitement and fear in this transition. And with a couple of other girls, all we talked about was dessert. But in the end, when they all headed off to the Tavern to finish out the night, I actually received a few hugs. Hugs. Embraces from strangers who might have never spoken with me, or I with them, unless we had been in the setting created last night. And I'd like to think that in just a few hours in my home, with a listening hear and genuine concern from a stranger, my guests were able to be themselves and take off the stereotypical mask for a moment.

As I reflect on the events of last night, I realize that I have so much yet to learn about mercy. Jesus, when questioned about hanging out, eating and drinking with sinners responded saying, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy and not sacrifice..." (Matt. 9:12-13; Luke 5:30-13).

Justice is what Love looks like in Public

We studied Isaiah 58 in church this week and the promises about justice have been rehearsing in my mind all weekend. Maybe it's just because I'm studying social and institutional injustices or because I now work with individuals who suffer unjustly and deeply on a daily basis, I'm not sure....but for whatever reason, these verses resonate deep in my soul.

The chapter starts out with religious people who have been practicing the discipline of fasting and are legitimately mad at God because He's not responding. And I've been here & I know these people and it can be frustrating when you feel that you're doing something to please God and He doesn't seem to care. But in Isaiah 58, God eventually responds to their fast saying that no matter how much they afflict their own souls, their voice is not heard in heaven because they seek personal gain and actually cause those around them to be oppressed in the midst of their attempts at spirituality. God doesn't like their fast. Instead, He says:

"Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the heavy burdens,
to let the oppressed go free,
and that you break every yoke?
Is it not the share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?"


This is justice. God is just and although He might choose to wait to bring about justice, maybe it's for the purpose of allowing us to take action for Him. Our discipline of fasting, or denying ourselves, should look like justice.

And the crazy thing is that the rest of the chapter in Isaiah is full of promises of how God will restore my soul if I choose His fast. God promises that my healing will spring forth speedily, that my righteousness will go before me, that He will guard me, and that He will hear me and be near to me. I will be like a well-watered garden.

And the truth is, justice is messy. It's not glamorous, but full of suffering. In order to loose the bonds of wickedness, you must be around the wicked. To undo heavy burdens, you must first feel their weight. And this is difficult to sign up for....

Back online

I have been away from Blogger, fulfilling my role as a student & professional, and allowing this method of communication to fade. But last week I had a shocking realization that for the first time in my life, I no longer have an outlet to debrief about life...and I'm the type that needs an outlet.

For almost 5 years I wrote newsletters to one hundred people about what was happening in my life. And while people didn't always have the time to read them, I was always shocked at how many people really knew what was going on. Their interest was not so much in me, but in the work I did. And I have to say that it was quite encouraging to have people, often that I didn't know very well, praying for me. Praying that God would equip me and work through me to fulfill His purposes.

Now, four months into my new identity as an Executive Director and graduate student, I realize that there is not even one person who knows all of what's going on in my life...and no one, except my mom, who is praying for me. My life has become compartmentalized with a handful of people in each category: work, school, small group, new church, new house, random friends. My regular "pillars" of people who used to know it all are no longer available for various reasons....and all of a sudden, last Sunday, this suffocating realization hit me.

So, while I realize that I am quite possible the only person who actually reads this blog (yes, it's my own), I will turn back to blogging and this electronic version of myself. I'll work on reintegrating my virtual life and hope that it spills out into the real world.

How to Land Your Dream Job

Even though the experts will tell you otherwise, the following steps are guaranteed to land you the job of your dreams. Simply follow these steps and you won't fail:

1. Do a random internet search in your field of practice
2. Begin cold-calling hundreds of agencies
3. Wait a month and a half
4. Receive a call that you apparently missed an interview you didn't know you had & sound responsible enough to convince them to do an emergency interview on the Sunday afternoon of a 3-day weekend.
   
5. Run into the wall on your way walking out of the interview
6. Receive a call in 48 hours with a job offer

**Ok, I guess this just goes to show you that you pretty much have very little control over getting what you want and that it's probably more important to spend your time getting to know the One who gives good gifts.

I'm back

Well, the obvious gap in blog posts is actually directly related to two life circumstances:

1) I started grad school & its zapping all of my writing skills, and
2) I started a new job about a month ago & LOVE it & let it take up my thoughts

School update - I love my classes, but don't like all the work. I wish that reading my textbooks was just for my own personal benefit instead of for midterms and papers. But, grad school rocks because I literally leave my classes on Tuesday nights and put into practice what I've learned on Wednesday morning. I'm not kidding. And I continue to feel VERY confident in my God because He directed me to pursue a Masters in Social Work and I feel like He is drawing out more qualities and passions within me than I knew I had. And though I've never really doubted it, all of this confirms that He really does have a good & purposeful plan for my life.

Job update - Even though I was apparently doing macro-level social work in Costa Rica, I wasn't trained in it & didn't know my Social Work practice theories. This made me feel very confused about pursing a social work job upon returning to the States. I actually was telling people that I didn't want to work in foster care, adoptions, etc....with no one really knowing what social workers do anyway, one person asked me if I'd rather just work with pets than people.
But, then, in my very first MSW class, I learned that there is a term for what I love to do...it's called, Macro-level Social Work...and apparently, there are some people just cut out for this. I'm one of them. And I God dropped a job in my lap that is doing this exact type of work right here in San Juan Capistrano.

My Jungle

The other day, for no apparent reason, I missed the jungle so badly that I couldn't shake it. Normally, when I miss Puerto Viejo, I miss the people, friends, experiences, and the laid-back lifestyle. But most recently, I just honestly miss jungle living.

The jungle is FULL of life. Everywhere you turn, you see life happening....from the "walking palm" who's roots show that it's moved closer to the sunlight to the bugs and lizards that swallow you up if you stand in one place for too long. One big jungle tree contains up to 8 different Bromeliads, vines & hanging roots...and that doesn't even take into consideration the amount of animals that thrive off of it.

I miss the stifling heat & humidity of the jungle.....the musty smells and the jungle sounds.

I miss seeing all of my jungle animals. It became so commonplace to see sloths, monkeys, toucans, poison dart frogs, tree frogs, iguanas, etc. on my way to work. But I never took any of it for granted.

So often, my experiences in Costa Rica were lonely. Yes, I had friends & teammates... but being single & having lived alone so often, most of what I did, I did alone. But somehow, I never felt lonely in the jungle. I don't know whether it was because the evidence of God was so clear or His Spirit so close, but the jungle is not a lonely place.

I'm still looking for places in So. Cal that contain this much life....

Through the Desert

Sitting with girls from my small group, we discussed life & love over falafels. I so deeply appreciate their friendship as we can take a conversation from jokes about dating to deeper life issues. One of the girls was sharing about her week & a seminar she attended by one of my favorite Bible professors at APU. She shared a concept he taught through that I've been mulling over all morning...

In dissecting the new testament passage of Jesus' time of temptation in the dessert, he pointed out that Jesus was "led by the Spirit into the desert." (Matt. 4:1). The Holy Spirit purposefully took Jesus to a place of death and famine. I've heard very little teaching on the fact that God intended this time of difficulty. What I have heard on the subject is what God intends to teach us through these challenges, that He will draw us closer to Himself, that He will never give us more than we can handle. And while all of this may be true, I learned a new approach to the story that I like better.

Jesus couldn't have been any "closer" to God. In fact, He was God in human flesh. For us, it must be the same... being so filled with the Holy Spirit, actually requires times of death and famine.

God intends it.

I've been in "the desert" in life and its horrible. Certain aspects of life reeked of death and my soul felt dry. In no way did I consider this as God's way of assuring me I was fulfilling His great purposes, that I was on the right path. The desert may actually speak of a deep connection & closeness to God. And I find this deeply comforting.

Transition Update

I haven't given recent updates to my transition to life in the States. But this month, I've arrived at a new point in my transition....the job search. And I have an interview today. So, here are my thoughts:

I'm having a difficult time trusting God lately. In a certain way, I feel like living in Costa Rica forced me to trust God because there was so much of life that I could not control. But here in the States, I have SO many options & decisions to make. The big decisions that lay ahead of me (where to work & live) are very much in my realm of control to make decisions about. Maybe it's not that I don't trust God...maybe it's just that I recognize my need to practice the discipline of listening to God.

In many ways, I am thankful for entering the field of social work because it's a very similar field to missions & helping people of great need. I don't think I could ever go back to an office job or a career that didn't involve helping people. Even still, I find myself pursuing the more extreme job opportunities with the VERY poor or needy & then looking to rent an apartment & live among them. It's like I have a weird addiction to extreme ministry, which I attribute in part to my experiences in CR. Either that, or its simply following the philosophy of ministry that Jesus set...serving incarnationally among the poor, the outcasts & the marginalized. Once a missionary, always a missionary.

Dream job?

Well, I've discovered exactly what I want to d0 for work while I'm in grad school. Drawing upon the 2 strongest desires that God has placed in my heart, it would offer unparalleled training in community development and member care. The only problem is that it doesn't pay much & I'm attending a private graduate school. But I'm not easily dissuaded & have figured out a plan.

I have to find a job & I have to move. What if I found a job that assists in community service - like family resource centers, wrap-around programs, etc. And what if this job was near a ccda? I could work in the field of community development and live among the people. The good news is that this isn't a ludicrous or far-fetched possibility. And it may actually be what God has in mind. I want to do this in Costa Mesa/Santa Ana.