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Seriously, is anyone that knows me shocked by these results?

Emerging Thoughts

I've been here in Cofradia for almost 2 days now with our missionary care team & while you can hear all about our retreat on at http://tjgause.vineage.com, I'd like to comment on something different here. Walking the streets of Cofradia and talking with our staff has stirred up some emotions about my time in Costa Rica and my journey as a missionary.

Thought #1 - While I'm confident that I'm obeying God in attending grad school for the next 4+ years, I really feel made to do life in another place. It's a healthy tension that I feel in my soul....that I was made to live internationally, among a culture and a people that are poor according to the world's standards. In some ways, seeking a graduate level degree doesn't seem to fit this vision for life. However, at the same time, I am confident & excited at the prospects of what a Masters of Social Work will allow me to do as I live internationally among a different culture and people group. I know that life is long & that 4+ years (realistically 6 more years from now if I get licensed) is a drop in the bucket....and I have to remind myself at times & in places like this where my soul feels at rest.

Thought #2 - I can't believe how crazy I was at 22 years of age to move to a foreign country & help with the start up of a brand new missionary. While I did it with my eyes wide open to the challenges & difficulties, I knew I was called & God proved to be faithful. Seeing the base here in Cofradia & the result of years of work gives a lot of perspective. The majority of staff have been here for 15 years or more & have poured their lives out to the people of this town. They've given birth to their children & figured out how to have a long & healthy marriage while serving others. And it's clear that God has blessed the work of their hands (ps. 91:1).

Thought #3 - Seeing another one of Alternative Mission's locations also gives perspective to the various challenges that we all face. I joke with most people about how difficult life in Costa Rica could have been...I mean, I lived across the street from the Caribbean ocean. And yet, the constant challenges we faced, were legitmately difficult. Since having moved back to the States & met other career missionaries, we really had it much more difficult in a variety of ways than most. It makes me think that God is SO good for taking care of me & continuing to do so for our staff that are still there. It also makes me realize that with God behind me, I feel tough & like I could accomplish almost anything.

Ken Lee

I can't figure out how to upload YouTube videos, but you should definitely check this one out. It's "Ken Lee" sung on Bulgarian Idol. Seriously, there are bunch of hillarious videos. Check them out here.

A Long Way Gone

A Long Way Gone is by far one of the most mesmerizing books I've ever read. In this first-hand account of the life of a child soldier in Sierra Leon, Ishmael describes the path that led to become a child soldier as well as the battle to escape such a life. I was absolutely riveted the entire book.

To be honest, I had never truly thought much about the overwhelming social problems that plague the entire continent of Africa. I mean, I've known about the AIDs epidemic and have donated money, but I've never been moved in my soul. I am ashamed to say that until my Global Studies senior sem class at APU, I never really considered that the problem of child soldiers still existed. Shameful, I know.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the amount of need in the world and it causes me to continue about my days paralyzed by inactivity, as though my life was all that existed. At the same time, I believe in a God who's heart breaks for individuals and governments that are so deeply oppressed. And this same God reminds me that my life is not my own, but exists for a purpose. I want to be concerned with the same things that concern God. I want my heart to break over what his heart breaks for. And I want to be someone who is moved to action even as it involves personal sacrifice.

I hate sounding too much like a fresh college grad with the "I can change the world" mentality, but I truly believe that God can empower individuals to evoke change on various levels. Sometimes I wonder what a Masters in Social Work will allow me to do in the world. While I feel called to care for missionaries, is it at the expense of other projects/ministries? I don't think it is. I'm curious to see the way that life plays out and how God will determine to use me. And I want to remain aware and sensitive to people like Ishmael Beah and the life that he led.

"O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Isaiah 64:8